
I was going to attempt to do one of my overly verbose, wordplay-filled summaries for this novel, as they are turning out to be one of my very favorite things to write, but I found that the publisherโs copy is actually pretty perfect as on its own, particularly in capturing the frantic, frenetic tone of the story. It goes:
๐๐ต’๐ด ๐๐ฉ๐ณ๐ช๐ด๐ต๐ฎ๐ข๐ด, ๐ข๐ฏ๐ฅ ๐ง๐ฐ๐ณ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ง๐ช๐ณ๐ด๐ต ๐ต๐ช๐ฎ๐ฆ ๐ช๐ฏ ๐บ๐ฆ๐ข๐ณ๐ด ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ฆ๐ฏ๐ต๐ช๐ณ๐ฆ ๐๐ช๐ณ๐ค๐ฉ ๐ง๐ข๐ฎ๐ช๐ญ๐บ ๐ธ๐ช๐ญ๐ญ ๐ฃ๐ฆ ๐ถ๐ฏ๐ฅ๐ฆ๐ณ ๐ฐ๐ฏ๐ฆ ๐ณ๐ฐ๐ฐ๐ง. ๐๐ท๐ฆ๐ฏ ๐๐ฎ๐ฎ๐ข ๐ข๐ฏ๐ฅ ๐๐ฏ๐ฅ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ธ’๐ด ๐ฆ๐ญ๐ฅ๐ฆ๐ณ ๐ฅ๐ข๐ถ๐จ๐ฉ๐ต๐ฆ๐ณ โ ๐ธ๐ฉ๐ฐ ๐ช๐ด ๐ถ๐ด๐ถ๐ข๐ญ๐ญ๐บ ๐ฐ๐ง๐ง ๐ด๐ข๐ท๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ธ๐ฐ๐ณ๐ญ๐ฅ โ ๐ธ๐ช๐ญ๐ญ ๐ฃ๐ฆ ๐ซ๐ฐ๐ช๐ฏ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ฎ ๐ข๐ต ๐๐ฆ๐บ๐ง๐ช๐ฆ๐ญ๐ฅ ๐๐ข๐ญ๐ญ. ๐๐ถ๐ต ๐๐ญ๐ช๐ท๐ช๐ข, ๐ข ๐ฅ๐ฐ๐ค๐ต๐ฐ๐ณ, ๐ช๐ด ๐ฐ๐ฏ๐ญ๐บ ๐ค๐ฐ๐ฎ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ฉ๐ฐ๐ฎ๐ฆ ๐ฃ๐ฆ๐ค๐ข๐ถ๐ด๐ฆ ๐ด๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ฉ๐ข๐ด ๐ต๐ฐ. ๐๐ฉ๐ฆ’๐ด ๐ซ๐ถ๐ด๐ต ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ต๐ถ๐ณ๐ฏ๐ฆ๐ฅ ๐ง๐ณ๐ฐ๐ฎ ๐ต๐ณ๐ฆ๐ข๐ต๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ข๐ฏ ๐ฆ๐ฑ๐ช๐ฅ๐ฆ๐ฎ๐ช๐ค ๐ข๐ฃ๐ณ๐ฐ๐ข๐ฅ ๐ข๐ฏ๐ฅ ๐ฉ๐ข๐ด ๐ฃ๐ฆ๐ฆ๐ฏ ๐ต๐ฐ๐ญ๐ฅ ๐ด๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ฎ๐ถ๐ด๐ต ๐ด๐ต๐ข๐บ ๐ช๐ฏ ๐ฒ๐ถ๐ข๐ณ๐ข๐ฏ๐ต๐ช๐ฏ๐ฆ ๐ง๐ฐ๐ณ ๐ข ๐ธ๐ฆ๐ฆ๐ฌโฆ ๐ข๐ฏ๐ฅ ๐ด๐ฐ ๐ต๐ฐ๐ฐ ๐ด๐ฉ๐ฐ๐ถ๐ญ๐ฅ ๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ณ ๐ง๐ข๐ฎ๐ช๐ญ๐บ.
๐๐ฐ๐ณ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ฏ๐ฆ๐น๐ต ๐ด๐ฆ๐ท๐ฆ๐ฏ ๐ฅ๐ข๐บ๐ด, ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐๐ช๐ณ๐ค๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ด ๐ข๐ณ๐ฆ ๐ญ๐ฐ๐ค๐ฌ๐ฆ๐ฅ ๐ฅ๐ฐ๐ธ๐ฏ, ๐ค๐ถ๐ต ๐ฐ๐ง๐ง ๐ง๐ณ๐ฐ๐ฎ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ด๐ต ๐ฐ๐ง ๐ฉ๐ถ๐ฎ๐ข๐ฏ๐ช๐ต๐บ, ๐ข๐ฏ๐ฅ ๐ง๐ฐ๐ณ๐ค๐ฆ๐ฅ ๐ช๐ฏ๐ต๐ฐ ๐ฆ๐ข๐ค๐ฉ ๐ฐ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ณ’๐ด ๐ฐ๐ณ๐ฃ๐ช๐ต๐ด. ๐ ๐ฐ๐ถ๐ฏ๐จ๐ฆ๐ณ, ๐ถ๐ฏ๐ข๐ฃ๐ข๐ด๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ฅ๐ญ๐บ ๐ง๐ณ๐ช๐ท๐ฐ๐ญ๐ฐ๐ถ๐ด ๐ฅ๐ข๐ถ๐จ๐ฉ๐ต๐ฆ๐ณ ๐๐ฉ๐ฐ๐ฆ๐ฃ๐ฆ ๐ช๐ด ๐ง๐ช๐น๐ข๐ต๐ฆ๐ฅ ๐ฐ๐ฏ ๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ณ ๐ถ๐ฑ๐ค๐ฐ๐ฎ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ธ๐ฆ๐ฅ๐ฅ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ, ๐ธ๐ฉ๐ช๐ญ๐ฆ ๐๐ญ๐ช๐ท๐ช๐ข ๐ฅ๐ฆ๐ข๐ญ๐ด ๐ธ๐ช๐ต๐ฉ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ค๐ถ๐ญ๐ต๐ถ๐ณ๐ฆ ๐ด๐ฉ๐ฐ๐ค๐ฌ ๐ฐ๐ง ๐ง๐ช๐ณ๐ด๐ต-๐ธ๐ฐ๐ณ๐ญ๐ฅ ๐ฑ๐ณ๐ฐ๐ฃ๐ญ๐ฆ๐ฎ๐ด.
๐๐ด ๐๐ฏ๐ฅ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ธ ๐ด๐ฆ๐ฒ๐ถ๐ฆ๐ด๐ต๐ฆ๐ณ๐ด ๐ฉ๐ช๐ฎ๐ด๐ฆ๐ญ๐ง ๐ช๐ฏ ๐ฉ๐ช๐ด ๐ด๐ต๐ถ๐ฅ๐บ ๐ธ๐ณ๐ช๐ต๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ด๐ค๐ข๐ต๐ฉ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ด๐ต๐ข๐ถ๐ณ๐ข๐ฏ๐ต ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ท๐ช๐ฆ๐ธ๐ด ๐ข๐ฏ๐ฅ ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ฎ๐ฆ๐ฎ๐ฃ๐ฆ๐ณ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ฉ๐ช๐ด ๐จ๐ญ๐ฐ๐ณ๐บ ๐ฅ๐ข๐บ๐ด ๐ข๐ด ๐ข ๐ธ๐ข๐ณ ๐ค๐ฐ๐ณ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ด๐ฑ๐ฐ๐ฏ๐ฅ๐ฆ๐ฏ๐ต, ๐๐ฎ๐ฎ๐ข ๐ฉ๐ช๐ฅ๐ฆ๐ด ๐ข ๐ด๐ฆ๐ค๐ณ๐ฆ๐ต ๐ต๐ฉ๐ข๐ต ๐ธ๐ช๐ญ๐ญ ๐ต๐ถ๐ณ๐ฏ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ธ๐ฉ๐ฐ๐ญ๐ฆ ๐ง๐ข๐ฎ๐ช๐ญ๐บ ๐ถ๐ฑ๐ด๐ช๐ฅ๐ฆ ๐ฅ๐ฐ๐ธ๐ฏ.
๐๐ฏ ๐ค๐ญ๐ฐ๐ด๐ฆ ๐ฑ๐ณ๐ฐ๐น๐ช๐ฎ๐ช๐ต๐บ, ๐ฏ๐ฐ๐ต ๐ฎ๐ถ๐ค๐ฉ ๐ค๐ข๐ฏ ๐ด๐ต๐ข๐บ ๐ฉ๐ช๐ฅ๐ฅ๐ฆ๐ฏ ๐ง๐ฐ๐ณ ๐ญ๐ฐ๐ฏ๐จ, ๐ข๐ฏ๐ฅ ๐ข๐ด ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ท๐ฆ๐ญ๐ข๐ต๐ช๐ฐ๐ฏ๐ด ๐ข๐ฏ๐ฅ ๐ญ๐ฐ๐ฏ๐จ-๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ญ๐ฅ ๐ต๐ฆ๐ฏ๐ด๐ช๐ฐ๐ฏ๐ด ๐ค๐ฐ๐ฎ๐ฆ ๐ต๐ฐ ๐ญ๐ช๐จ๐ฉ๐ต, ๐ฏ๐ฐ๐ต๐ฉ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ช๐ด ๐ฎ๐ฐ๐ณ๐ฆ ๐ด๐ฉ๐ฐ๐ค๐ฌ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ข๐ฏ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ถ๐ฏ๐ฆ๐น๐ฑ๐ฆ๐ค๐ต๐ฆ๐ฅ ๐จ๐ถ๐ฆ๐ด๐ต ๐ธ๐ฉ๐ฐ’๐ด ๐ข๐ฃ๐ฐ๐ถ๐ต ๐ต๐ฐ ๐ข๐ณ๐ณ๐ช๐ท๐ฆ….
I mean, come on.ย I suppose it does also make it sound like a Lifetime and/or Hallmark movie, but, unremarkable and problematic as they may be (must they all center around white, upper-middle class people and their problems, in this the year of our Lord 2020), you kind of have to admit that they seemed to have cracked a hell of an alluring formula. Why else would my mother audiences keep coming back for more?ย
But thatโs the vibe I got from Francesca Hornak’s ๐บ๐๐๐๐ ๐ซ๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐ผ๐. And while I may not generally be a fan ofย the tried and true trope of melodrama stemming from people not communicating clearly with one another, Iโll be damned if I didnโt enjoy the hell out of it in this telenovela of a novel. Admittedly, my interest in it only began about the midway point, finding the first halfโs set-up and exposition excessive to the point of being tedious. The nearer the story got to Christmas however, the more all the secrets and pent up tension from the preceding pages threatened to explode. The outcome of which was the bookish equivalent of not being able to look away from a trainwreck. I was surprised to find myself gasping and harshly whispering out things like โโฟแตโ and โแตหกแตแตหขแต แตแตโฟ’แตโ and โแตสฐ แตแตแตแต แตแตแต สทสฐสธโ so often. It was pretty great.
Much of that enjoyment was a direct result of Hornakโs remarkable job at writing this bevy of fastidious, slightly unlikeable characters. You may not wish to spend some time with them in real life, but you can certainly, assuredly, relate and empathize with every single one of them. We might not be going through many of their specific set of issues (Olivia labeling them first world problems is spot on for the most part), but we know how family can be a battleground almost as often as it is a haven. Itโs another time-tested trope โ one that rings particularly true in this time of quarantine and lockdowns.ย
Itโs a little wild to think that this stay-at-home angle was probably the one aspect of the novel the author must have thought not many readers would find relatable. Why would she? This book was first published in 2017, after all. Back when we were all still taking the act of being able to go outside your house and mingling with other people who are not immediately related to you totally and utterly for granted. Ha ha ha who would have ever thought.